How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
