I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
