we have pet lesbian snakes
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
