Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
