My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
