You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
