Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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