Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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