yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
