Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
