I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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