The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize