im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
