im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Drunk is a universal language darling
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize