You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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