TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
