Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am available for nakedness
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
