i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
