Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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