Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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