I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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