Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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