I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
