Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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