You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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