she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
