so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
