You just made me feel so damn special
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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