He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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