Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
