I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
