We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
