I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
