I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
