The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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