I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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