Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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