it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sponge bath it is.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
