I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I party with great urgency now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
