When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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