his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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