i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
