Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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