If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
