he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
