I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
