I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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