My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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