How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
