marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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