1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them