I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!