god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.