I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this will be a night to untag.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.