We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?