sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...