I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.