So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have fence marks all over my body
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?