Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
