I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize