why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
