shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
