My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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