he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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