There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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