every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
