apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
