Where did you get a picture of my penis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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