Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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