Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
