Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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