R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
