we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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