She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
