I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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