Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We have started to decorate penises.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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