Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
